6.09.2011

Tally Ho!


I shall dispense with all self-effacing modesty.
This is the best mix I've ever made.

NW021.

01. Heavy Metal Drummer/WILCO
02. Space/THE BETA BAND
03. Looks Like Dark To Me/TIMBUK 3
04. Antelope/DIAGRAMS
05. A Little Bit Of Rain/AMBITIOUS LOVERS
06. Drive Me To The Center/THE SEEDY SEEDS
07. Basic Space/THE xx
08. El Salvador/ATHLETE
09. Up On The North Shore/THE SEA AND CAKE
10. Whirring/THE JOY FORMIDABLE
11. Tale From Black/TUNNG
12. Buffalo/THE PHOENIX FOUNDATION
13. Tensile/THE CLEAN
14. Black And White Town/DOVES
15. Symmetry/ERIC VOEKS
16. Billoddity/MOJAVE 3
17. Cape Canaveral/CONOR OBERST
18. Alone Again Or/CALEXICO
19. Wet Gold/THE OCTOPUS PROJECT
20. Apple Of My Eye/ED HARCOURT
21. The Town That Lost Its Groove Supply/THE MINUS 5
22. Periodically Double Or Triple/YO LA TENGO
23. Whippin' Piccadilly/GOMEZ

5.06.2011


This wasn’t the mix that I was supposed to be making.

I’ve been working on a mix for the past few months that seemed to fall apart every time I got close to completing it. I’d get a fantastic run of songs going, then go back and listen and something always went wrong: usually a single song just wouldn’t fit and I’d end up dismantling the whole playlist to try to work it out. When I last worked on it (almost a month ago), I left it as twenty-some-odd songs that I finally threw my hands up and walked away (or, more literally, drove away, as we left for vacation).

Upon my return, I tried to give it another stab, by looking at other songs by some of the same artists. What (relatively) quickly emerged was this: a sort of alternate-reality version of the mix that’s been a bugaboo for me of late. Most came together quite naturally, some songs were no-brainers, some required some digging into the “my music” folder, some I serendipitously stumbled upon around the Internet (thanks sammyg123 for turning me on to the Summer Camp track), some came from recent purchases at the local Borders that was shuttering its doors.

So will that other mix ever see the light of day? I hope so, but I’m not worrying about that now. Just give me my headphones and a comfy chair and let me enjoy the breeze….

NW020.

01. Don't Stop/THE STONE ROSES
02. Listening Wind/TALKING HEADS
03. Today I Started Celebrating Again/BONNIE 'PRINCE' BILLY
04. Ghost Train/SUMMER CAMP
05. Don't Look Down Or Back/TUNNG
06. 2012 Breakdown/60 WATT KID
07. Glory/RADICAL FACE
08. Kids/MGMT
09. Tell Me Now/MAZZY STAR
10. (i'll name you) The Flame That Cries/GUIDED BY VOICES
11. loch (dub)/I AM KLOOT
12. Battery In Your Leg/BLUR
13. Super Glider/DRUGSTORE
14. By Some Miracle/PHILIP SELWAY
15. ZYX/GOMEZ
16. Gloomy Planets/THE NOTWIST
17. Hallucinists/THE OCTOPUS PROJECT
18. Dry The Rain/THE BETA BAND

4.15.2011

2.07.2011

2.02.2011

It's Not Just A Dream....


This is what happens when, on rare occasion, I have some free time on a Saturday afternoon and inspiration strikes....

"Spaceman" had been in my head for a few days, prior, and stayed there as I was able to sit down at my laptop last Saturday, blowing off housework while my wife had taken our oldest daughter to her soccer match, the boys were heavy into an afternoon of Lego Rock Band, and our youngest took a nap. I sat, I surfed, I facebooked, and I started to assemble a playlist....

What evolved over the next hour or so was a mix that has left me scratching my head. Songs I've had around that I've tried, unsuccessfully, to put into other mixes. Transitions that I wouldn't ordinarily dare attempting. Genre and era hopping in exelsis. In short, a mix that somehow works. It's not a "sleep" mix, by any means, but I think it has a certain surreal, stream of consciousness about it that led to both the inclusion of the coda and the title....

Some revision was done throughout the week, including some minor changes to the running order, but for the most part, its the mix I put together last Saturday. A note about one of the songs: The Five Embers were a doo wop group from the late 50's which operated out of Owensboro, KY. I learned about them a few weeks ago from my friend, Marc, who posted on facebook that his dad had been a member of the group, as well as a link to this song. Pretty cool tidbit I learned from a friend I've had now for over twenty years, and a nice little addition to this, well, whatever it is....

NW018.

01. Spaceman/MC 900 FT JESUS WITH DJ ZERO
02. Sycamore Trees/LITTLE JIMMY SCOTT
03. Beat Box (diversion one)/THE ART OF NOISE
04. White Flag/GORILLAZ featuring BASHY and KANO
05. You Monopolise Me/THE OGYANTANAA SHOW BAND
06. Michael Jackson/NEGATIVLAND
07. Shambala/BEASTIE BOYS
08. Heaven Can Wait (nosaj thing remix)/CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG
09. From The Air (dan the automator remix)/LAURIE ANDERSON
10. 100 Days, 100 Nights/SHARON JONES & THE DAP KINGS
11. My Fragile Heart/THE FIVE EMBERS
12. Move With Me (dub)/NENEH CHERRY
13. It's In Our Hands (c-level remix)/BJORK
14. Paradise Circus (gui boratto remix)/MASSIVE ATTACK featuring HOPE SANDOVAL
15. Sleepwalk/SANTO & JOHNNY
16. Siberian Breaks/MGMT
17. Not Just A Dream/UNKNOWN

12.29.2010

Northwind


Early cold snap.
+
Angst/introspection about turning 40 earlier this month.
+
Sleep deprivation the week before Christmas
=
Northwind.

NW017


01. White Winter Hymnal/FLEET FOXES
02. Continental Divide/907BRITT
03. A Bientot Nous Deux (live)/FRANCE GALL
04. Higher Than The Sun/PRIMAL SCREAM
05. Dear Prudence/THE BEATLES
06. Movin' On/JOSH ROUSE
07. Once Around/AUTUMN DEFENSE
08. Revolutionary Kind (live)/GOMEZ
09. Enjoy The Silence (live)/THE POSIES
10. As Sure As The Sun/BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB
11. He'll Come Back To Me/MARIANNE FAITHFULL
12. I Want The World To Stop/BELLE & SEBASTIAN
13. Caroline/ESPERS
14. Three-Two/CLOGS
15. Two Silver Trees/CALEXICO
16. Slipped Dissolved And Loosed/LAMBCHOP
17. Fan Dance/SAM PHILLIPS
18. Doorways/RADICAL FACE
19. Angel/KIRSTY MacCOLL
20. New Year's Prayer/JEFF BUCKLEY

12.21.2010

Ho X3



“Are you ready for some Reindeer Games?”

Third installment of my intended-to-be annual mix of Christmas/Holiday fare, the first two were posted at AOTM under my “Mesh” nom de guerre.

Lots of fun to make, more fun to listen: twenty-four widely varying artists and songs with a handful of Easter Eggs Stocking Stuffers thrown in for good measure. And even though I’ve been swamped with things other than mixing for the past few months, I consider this a good and proper way for me to cap off a year in which I did complete TWELVE mixes (a number I hadn’t reached since pre-kid days).

NW016


01. Secret Santa/HERE COME THE MUMMIES
02. Monster's Holiday/BOBBY "BORIS" PICKETT & THE CRYPT-KICKERS
03. The Story Of Snoopy's Christmas/THE ROYAL GUARDSMEN
04. Twelve Days Of Christmas/JOHN DENVER & THE MUPPETS
05. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town/THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY
06. Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer/ELLA FITZGERALD
07. Tiny Tree Christmas/GUSTER
08. Happy Christmas (war is over)/THE ALARM
09. Blue Christmas/JOHNNY CASH
10. Santa Bring My Baby Back (to me)/REV. HORTON HEAT
11. Merry Christmas Baby/SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS
12. Shimmy Down The Chimney (fill up my stocking)/ALISON KRAUSS
13. Pretty Paper/ROY ORBISON
14. That Was The Worst Christmas Ever/SUFJAN STEVENS
15. O Holy Night/THE GREAT TRANSPARACY
16. Merry Xmas/GRAHAM MASSEY
17. Christmas Lights/LAST NIGHT'S TV
18. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas/JUDY GARLAND
19. One Christmas Catalogue/CAPTAIN SENSIBLE
20. Toy Packaging/SARA GROVES
21. Here Comes Santa Claus (right down santa claus lane)/ELVIS PRESLEY
22. Christmas Must Be Tonight/THE BAND
23. Christmas For Cowboys/JOHN DENVER
24. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear/SAM PHILLIPS

10.27.2010

Fifteen From Fifteen Equals ZeRO



My submission for the ZeRO October mixathon, which revolves around this challenge, floated around on facebook: "Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen friends (or more) , including me, because I'm interested in seeing what albums my friends choose." From this, a secondary challenge to pick
one song from each of these albums that sticks out for one reason or another. So without further ado....

01. XTC/English Settlement/"Jason And The Argonauts": I was properly introduced to XTC by a friend of mine in college via their appearance on some mixtapes he made for me (though, in retrospect I had previously heard “Dear God” which was popular/infamous at the time). After telling him how much I liked what I heard, he dubbed me a copy of English Settlement and I was truly enamored. It’s still one of those multi-functional albums for me: I can dance around to it, chill on the couch to it, clean the house to it, one that I pull out for a listen on any given whim. “Jason And The Argonauts” is an early album highlight….

02. JANE’S ADDICTION/Nothing’s Shocking/"Ocean Size": The first time I heard this album was the first time I really, really partook of the green. Blew me away. In youth-based arrogance, I had all but dismissed all-things metal. This album urged me not only to take a look at some bands in that genre, but also to give Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and others another listen. Perry Farrell’s greatest moment, hands down. “Ocean Size” is the first full assault from the album.

03. BEASTIE BOYS/Paul’s Boutique/"High Plains Drifter": My sophomore year of college, Beastie Boys released a single called “Hey Ladies.” I didn’t know what to think of it. It didn’t sound anything like Licensed To Ill, and didn’t sound like anything I’d ever heard. A guy living in my dorm offered me a listen (on a red cassette, no less) and I was floored. Intriguing. Amazing. Ten years ahead of its time. To this day, one of the best hip hop albums of all time. “High Plains Drifter” gets the nod, in no small part, for the Ramones sample at the end….

04. NINE INCH NAILS/The Downward Spiral/"The Becoming": One of those albums that hit just at the right time. I was still dealing with the emotional wreckage from a bad break-up and this album struck immediately struck a chord, with “The Becoming” really summing up how I felt (at the time) towards my ex-girlfriend….

05. GORILLAZ/Demon Days/"All Alone": How is it that a “side project” ends up putting together (now three) albums of such brilliance that they could all easily rank in the “best of the decade”? I really liked Gorillaz and was really excited about the release of Demon Days, especially after hearing “Feel Good Inc.” Rarely does an album live up to the hype I’ve built up for it. Demon Days was one such album. To me, “All Alone” nails the essence of Gorillaz….

06. BLUR/Blur/"Strange News From Another Star: I was a little late to the Blur bandwagon, but was up to speed after the release of The Great Escape: a fantastic album, by any measure, and a worthy successor to the brilliance of Parklife. Blur, however, went off in a totally different direction than either of those (or Leisure or Modern Life Is Rubbish, for that matter). I remember buying this album during Lent of 1996 and waiting until Easter to it (a semi-tradition I maintained through my 20’s and early 30’s). I put the disc in my player as I headed back from Louisville to Lexington and turned up the volume. From the first guitar notes of “Beetlebum” I was in awe. Then “Song 2.” Wow. “Strange News From Another Star,” though, sticks out for some reason. I just really like this song….

07. MY BLOODY VALENTINE/Loveless/"Soon": I confess, this album was woefully absent from my record collection for far too long. I knew I’d probably really like it, but my disc dollars never seemed to go toward its purchase. My first exposure to MBV were their appearances on Sire’s Just Say Yes series (one of the greatest sampler series of the late 80’s-early 90’s). “Soon” was one of those songs. A song I love, and a song I love even more after finally hearing it in its proper album context….

08. UNCLE TUPELO/Anodyne/"New Madrid": I met a girl not long after my trainwreck break-up (as described in the Nine Inch Nails entry) who introduced me to Uncle Tupelo. While they were miles away from what I was listening to at the time, I was really drawn to them (greatly assisted that I was quite smitten with this woman). I studied the back catalog, was fortunate enough to see them on (what would become) their farewell tour, and really, really dug them. Anodyne is a flat-out fantastic album. "New Madrid" is a flat-out fantastic song….

09. THE ENGLISH BEAT/I Just Can’t Stop It/"Hands Off, She's Mine": Unfortunately, The English Beat didn’t ever seem to make the airwaves in Louisville when they were out and about. A friend of mine put “Save It For Later” on a mix he made for me in about ’87 (over four years since the band broke up) and I came across General Public’s “Tenderness” on a sampler I’d bought. I liked both songs a lot, and when I found out that the two bands were linked (don’t knock me, this was pre-Internet) I was really intrigued. So, I went out and found a copy of I Just Can’t Stop It (seemed like a good place to start) and in an instant, The Police were usurped as my favorite band. I used to think that “Hands Off She’s Mine” would have been cool to write on the bottom of my shoes when I got married. Ultimately didn’t have the guts, but still a crackin’ good tune….

10. NEW ORDER/Technique/"Round & Round": In my opinion, the best New Order album. One of my favorite album covers of all time. One of the best videos ever. “Round & Round.” Love it.

11. THE SMITHS/The Queen Is Dead/"Bigmouth Strikes Again": I knew a girl in high school was in love with Morrissey. Yeah, so did everybody else in the mid-80’s. After telling me over and over how great The Smiths were and how Morrissey was god, I finally submitted to her insistence and had a listen to this album. Not bad, I thought. Some songs were better than others (or bigger than others, as the case may be), but I politely filed it away and went along my merry way. For one reason or another, I pulled it out later and listened. Hmmm. And again. And again. It took a while, but for me The Queen Is Dead became the ultimate grower. Now as I listen (surprisingly frequently), I see it as every bit a classic, and The Smiths, one of my all-time favorite bands. Morrissey in great form and Johnny Marr…Johnny Marr: absolutely brilliant. “Bigmouth Strikes Again” has been one of the songs that I have liked, now love, since that first high school listen….

12. TALKING HEADS/Little Creatures/"Television Man": My older brother, whose musical tastes (as I’ve mentioned before) often involved geographically named outfits, introduced me to this album. He suggested, almost insisted, that I use a few of the dollars from my first-ever paycheck to buy it (so he could later nick it from me). The lead off “And She Was” was his favorite song, and while I admittedly love that song, I continued to dig deeper into the album. And while I still don’t care for “Road To Nowhere” (its appearance in Reality Bites sealed that deal), I’m still drawn to Little Creatures. A pop album. From Talking Heads. “Television Man” is one of my favorites from the disc (brilliantly covered by Man Or Astro-Man?, by the way)….

13. GOMEZ/Bring It On/"78 Stone Wobble": I proudly admit it. I really like Gomez. I’ve gotten into them quite a bit over the past few years and, overall, really enjoy their music. I also had the pleasure of seeing them live last year in Covington, KY: the first concert I’d been to in more than a couple years, and the most recent I’ve been to. Any of their albums could have made this list, especially when constrained to “fifteen minutes,” so I settled on their debut. “78 Stone Wobble” is a groovy little number, but much like singling out only one of their albums, this just as soon could have been a half-dozen others….

14. PINK FLOYD/Animals/"Pigs (three different ones)": Another album I discovered through my older brother. This seemed to be his favorite album to blare through his quite large speakers in the basement of our parents’ house (as the basement, strangely, smelled of burnt rope). It’s also an album that’s stuck with me throughout the years, with Pigs (three different ones) being my favorite of the albums five tracks….

15. RADIOHEAD/OK Computer/"Paranoid Android": I suspect my experience with Radiohead is not unique. I first heard them via “Creep”: an absolutely brilliant single that left me begging for more. Unfortunately, I ended up being let down by Pablo Honey. Some really good songs, but some that seemed clunky, and some just not good. By the time The Bends came around, I had moved on to other musical pastures and didn’t give it a look. Then came the video for “Karma Police.” Whoa…. I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should give Radiohead another chance. I am thankful I did. OK Computer…. Well, let’s just say the best analysis of this album was when someone wrote “there’s no way this was made by humans.” “Paranoid Android” is some of the finest six and a half minutes ever committed to tape....

Appropriately enough, NW015....

10.13.2010

Spun Sugar


I ended up sitting in a hotel room north of Baltimore last week as the remnants of a tropical depression poured down upon the region. After being awakened by (and continually hearing through the morning) police and ambulance sirens heading to respond to accidents on I-83, I sighed. Summer is over. Winter is coming. Ugh....

Regaining my composure, I used the opportunity to pull out my laptop and begin to assemble this mix: a mostly fun, slightly trippy little jaunt to bring a little sunshine to the cloudy, cold days ahead: some popular, some obscure, some infamous.... The rough draft was put together that afternoon, although I was reminded that I'd forgotten to rip some key CD's onto my new computer after the old one died. Some of those songs were added after I returned home late last week, and I did a great deal of re-ordering and re-tooling over the weekend (a beautiful few days of Indian Summer).

This week's forecast? Much cooler with chances of (much needed) rain. Looks like I'll be closing my eyes and putting on my headphones....


01. Mrs. Green/THE POSIES
02. Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow/STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK
03. Baby Lee/TEENAGE FANCLUB
04. The Universal/BLUR
05. Renaissance Fair/THE BYRDS
06. Motorcycle Daydream/BEDROOM EYES
07. Ruby Tuesday/THE ROLLING STONES
08. Girlshapedlovedrug/GOMEZ
09. She's Not There/THE ZOMBIES
10. Lion Face Boy/SEABEAR
11. French Navy/CAMERA OBSCURA
12. Write About Love/BELLE AND SEBASTIAN
13. Our Lips Are Sealed/FUN BOY THREE
14. Ticket To Ride/THE BEATLES
15. Lost And Found/TAKEN BY TREES
16. 59th Street Bridge Song/HARPERS BIZARRE
17. ....Sudden Stars/STEREOLAB
18. See Emily Play/PINK FLOYD
19. Sunshine Superman/DONOVAN
20. Blue-Green Eyes/THE SUNDOWNERS
21. In The Dreamlife You Need A Rubber Soul/THE CLEAN
22. Have You Heard The Word/THE FUT
23. My Love Explodes/THE DUKES OF STRATOSPHEAR

NW014

9.29.2010

I Love Sarah Jane




Likely to rank among the best fifteen minutes of your day. Watch and enjoy....

9.07.2010

Write About Love

8.11.2010

70-->10



My best friend Mike is forty today. A milestone, a celebration, a reminder that I'm hitting forty before the year is out....

Although I decided a while ago I wanted to make a CD to commemorate/celebrate the event, I had a really hard time deciding which direction to go with it. I've made several discs for him over the years from several different genres, and I really wanted to do something without resorting to sentimentality. My first thought was to pick one song from every year, 1970-2010, but that was going to be too herculean a task, especially in light of my end of summer getting extraordinarily chaotic. After a lot of rummaging through my hard drive and my CD collection (as well as some assistance from the public library), I decided on this humble approach: a back and forth between the years 1970 and 2010. An underrated, perhaps, year in music, and one that, through the first half, has been extraordinary.... NW013.


01. Junk/PAUL McCARTNEY
02. Dragon's Song/BLITZEN TRAPPER
03. The Man Who Sold The World/DAVID BOWIE
04. Bloodbuzz Ohio/THE NATIONAL
05. Tobacco Road/ERIC BURDON & WAR
06. Horchata/VAMPIRE WEEKEND
07. Bron-Y-Aur Stomp/LED ZEPPELIN
08. Your Hands (together)/THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS
09. Diamond Day/VASHTI BUNYAN
10. Horses Warriors/RADAR BROS
11. One Of These Things First/NICK DRAKE
12. I Hate The 80's/THE VASELINES
13. One After 909/THE BEATLES
14. What Did My Lover Say? (it always had to go this way)/WOLF PARADE
15. I Had A Talk With My Woman/TIM BUCKLEY
16. Remember Last Time/AVI BUFFALO
17. Ride A White Swan/T. REX
18. Fool's Day/BLUR
19. Cool It Down/THE VELVET UNDERGROUND
20. Some Kind Of Nature/GORILLAZ


7.27.2010

"Ex astra, scientia"

STARS JUST GOT BIGGER: A 300 Solar Mass Star Uncovered


July 21, 2010. A team of astronomers led by Paul Crowther, Professor of Astrophysics at the University of Sheffield, has used ESO’s Very Large Telescope (VLT), as well as archival data from the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope, to study two young clusters of stars, NGC 3603 and RMC 136a in detail. NGC 3603 is a cosmic factory where stars form frantically from the nebula’s extended clouds of gas and dust, located 22,000 light-years away from the Sun. RMC 136a (more often known as R136) is another cluster of young, massive and hot stars, which is located inside the Tarantula Nebula, in one of our neighbouring galaxies, the Large Magellanic Cloud, 165,000 light-years away.

The team found several stars with surface temperatures over 40,000 degrees, more than seven times hotter than our Sun, and a few tens of times larger and several million times brighter. Comparisons with models imply that several of these stars were born with masses in excess of 150 solar masses. The star R136a1, found in the R136 cluster, is the most massive star ever found, with a current mass of about 265 solar masses and with a birthweight of as much as 320 times that of the Sun.

In NGC 3603, the astronomers could also directly measure the masses of two stars that belong to a double star system, as a validation of the models used. The stars A1, B and C in this cluster have estimated masses at birth above or close to 150 solar masses.

Very massive stars produce very powerful outflows. “Unlike humans, these stars are born heavy and lose weight as they age,” says Paul Crowther. “Being a little over a million years old, the most extreme star R136a1 is already ‘middle-aged’ and has undergone an intense weight loss programme, shedding a fifth of its initial mass over that time, or more than fifty solar masses.

If R136a1 replaced the Sun in our Solar System, it would outshine the Sun by as much as the Sun currently outshines the full Moon. “Its high mass would reduce the length of the Earth's year to three weeks, and it would bathe the Earth in incredibly intense ultraviolet radiation, rendering life on our planet impossible,” says Raphael Hirschi from Keele University, who belongs to the team.

These super heavyweight stars are extremely rare, forming solely within the densest star clusters. Distinguishing the individual stars — which has now been achieved for the first time — requires the exquisite resolving power of the VLT’s infrared instruments.

The team also estimated the maximum possible mass for the stars within these clusters and the relative number of the most massive ones. “The smallest stars are limited to more than about eighty times more than Jupiter, below which they are ‘failed stars’ or brown dwarfs,” says team member Olivier Schnurr from the Astrophysikalisches Institut Potsdam. “Our new finding supports the previous view that there is also an upper limit to how big stars can get, although it raises the limit by a factor of two, to about 300 solar masses.

Within R136, only four stars weighed more than 150 solar masses at birth, yet they account for nearly half of the wind and radiation power of the entire cluster, comprising approximately 100 000 stars in total. R136a1 alone energises its surroundings by more than a factor of fifty compared to the Orion Nebula cluster, the closest region of massive star formation to Earth.

Understanding how high mass stars form is puzzling enough, due to their very short lives and powerful winds, so that the identification of such extreme cases as R136a1 raises the challenge to theorists still further. “Either they were born so big or smaller stars merged together to produce them,” explains Crowther.

Stars between about 8 and 150 solar masses explode at the end of their short lives as supernovae, leaving behind exotic remnants, either neutron stars or black holes. Having now established the existence of stars weighing between 150 and 300 solar masses, the astronomers’ findings raise the prospect of the existence of exceptionally bright, “pair instability supernovae” that completely blow themselves apart, failing to leave behind any remnant and dispersing up to ten solar masses of iron into their surroundings. A few candidates for such explosions have already been proposed in recent years.

Not only is R136a1 the most massive star ever found, but it also has the highest luminosity too, close to 10 million times greater than the Sun. “Owing to the rarity of these monsters, I think it is unlikely that this new record will be broken any time soon,” concludes Crowther.

********

It was twenty years ago next month that I met Shawn. I was all of nineteen at the time, he was twelve. We were assigned together for a summer camp held at Nolin Lake in Kentucky. It was, actually, a serendipitous meeting as I was a last-minute staff addition (thanks to an out of the blue wrangling in by a friend of mine), and he was a last-minute camper (thanks to a last minute application by his parents and opening that became available). The thing I was immediately struck with about Shawn was his wise-beyond-his-years and dry sense of humor, which fit in really well with my cynical wit (which was completely unrestrained at the time). He was preparing for seventh grade and he lived, surprisingly, only a few blocks from us in Louisville. He told me that he wanted to join the Navy when he got older, so he could learn to be a pilot, and eventually an astronaut. Shawn Shawn and I hit it off right away and had a great time that week: hiking, swimming, crafts, repelling, a hot air balloon ride. More than enough to tire the hardiest of 12-year olds, and Shawn braved it all out. But Shawn was no ordinary twelve year old. And this was no ordinary summer camp. This was a camp for kids with terminal illnesses.

Early in that summer of 1990, Shawn had been diagnosed with cancer of the liver. He was scared. Shawn, unlike many of the kids at the camp, was old enough to know the gravity of his condition. He knew about his own mortality. When the opportunity for him to attend camp came about, there were a lot of questions and fear from his parents and family, especially (and understandably) from his mother. Somehow, and for some reason, though, she was intuitively comforted by me and the fact that I would be the companion for her son, less than two months after his diagnosis and less than two weeks after his initial release from the hospital.

I, on the other hand, had entered that summer as a typical, invincible nineteen year old. My entire existence was one of selfishness. Yet, that summer signaled the beginning of a sea change in my attitudes toward life and the world. A friend from high school had suffered a ruptured aneurysm while on a camping trip and was now re-learning how to walk and talk. Another friend suffered a drug-induced nervous breakdown, a situation aggravated by his mother casting sole blame on my best friend. I was struggling with slack and indecisiveness in almost every aspect of my life.

Shawn and I, as I mentioned, had a great time at camp. He wrote me at school once or twice that Fall, and we saw each other at a camp reunion over Christmas (a reunion he almost missed because of his deteriorating health). He regained his strength and eventually made it to high school, attending my alma mater (and becoming a classmate of my youngest brother). He even got well enough to ride his bike to our house one summer afternoon. Although not in remission, he still talked about his goal of becoming an astronaut (he had even been granted the opportunity to meet with the Navy’s Blue Angels). A goal, a dream, a hope, to keep him going.

Shawn called me one evening in 1993. From the hospital. His cancer had spread throughout his body. He was dying. Weakly, he asked me to come visit him. Weakly, I said I’d try. A lie, an escape, a selfish decision, a regret.

Shawn died in November 1993. He was fifteen.

I still think about Shawn sometimes. I know I meant a lot to him and his family. He means a lot to me, too. It just took a long time, and in little pieces, for me to comprehend how much meeting him, knowing him, missing him, means. Whenever some big astronomical discovery is made, I think about him. He’d be thirty-two now, and well on his way to attaining his dream of becoming an astronaut, and I’m pretty sure he’d be completely geeked about the discovery of R136a1.…

********




********

This mix began as a collection of some things I’ve been listening to lately, as some songs I’ve re-come across since transferring my library to my new computer. What it has become, with the coincidence of the discovery of a new giant star, the forty-first anniversary of the first moon landing, and the spurred memories of a very dear friend, is, at least to me, more than the sum of its parts. NW012.

01. Magnetic Fields, Different Voice/from THE CONET PROJECT
02. 1969/BOARDS OF CANADA
03. Reefer Spin In The Galaxy/THE ORB
04. Involution/PATRICK VAN DE VEN
05. The Private Psychedelic Reel/THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS
06. Lanx 3/AUTECHRE
07. Ecstasy Symphony/SPACEMEN 3
08. Blue Milk/STEREOLAB
09. Laughing Gas/JUNO REACTOR
10. Foster (deep space dub)/BREAKS THE BLANK DAY
11. The Beautiful Unknown/NUNC STANS
12. Deep Blue Day/BRIAN ENO